Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Of Wall and Vulnerability

It is a known fact among my friends that I seem really guarded.
Not the bodyguard kind of guarded.
The I-have-this-huge-and-high-invisible-wall-around-me kind of guarded.
It maybe true, given that not more than a handful people really know and understand me.

Honestly, I sometimes try to be more 'open' or transparent.
But somehow, every time I decided to do so, I ended up getting hurt.
I always hold the believe that the more a person know about you, the more they will be able to hurt you.

And time and time again, the believe that I hold is proven true.
I saw friends been hurt by the one that are closest to them.
Countless times I was hurt by the people that I cherished the most.
The more you care about someone, the greater the hurt.
But I guess, that makes sense.
Just like force, the greater the mass of it, the stronger it is.

That is why I put up the Wall.
My heart can't afford too much heartbreak and hurt.
Each time someone hurt me, a chip of my heart breaks away.
Every  time I parted with a dear friend of mine, a piece of myself gone with them.
After a time, I'm afraid that I won't have anything to give anymore.
And when that happens, I believe I would be beyond repairable.

So yeah, this is me showing a peek into my heart and soul.